Monday, January 31, 2011

Yeah, maybe I shouldn't post that....lol

As I have gone through the steps of divorce over this past year, I am amazed at the

number of people who are facing the same. And though they are all in different

stages of their destiny, the fact still remains that it is a hard journey, forcing

many to advertise their feelings openly on social networks such as facebook. And

though it makes one feel better to "one up" the "EX", there is a feeling deep inside

me that tells me to refrain from such status posts. However, I have found a few

quite humorous. And have in fact,saved a list of "good" ones to share. Let me

first deny, nullify, and curb anyones accusations up front. These are not my posts,

thoughts, or insinuations pointing to my divorce at all, but merely a collection of

status posts that I have seen used this last year. I have wondered a million tmes

how some can read over the following, and not have that internal feeling of "yeah,

maybe I shouldn't post that"




In no particular order:


*If you think the grass is greener on the other side, perhaps you should spend more time taking care of the grass on your side.


*wonders what the judge would think when her husband has her arrested for telling off his mistress? It might be worth finding out! LMBO


*you can't scare me... I have an ex-husband


*... is longing for the day her ex shows up on a milk carton!!!


*OH your dating my ex? cool. I'm eating chicken wings, do you want those left overs too?


*Single & LOOKING.. for something better than I had last time..


*There's nothing like running into your ex on a good day, then throwing the car in reverse and doing it again! :) lol


*don't be mad at the fact that i won; be mad at the fact that you thought you could beat me.


*I don't get jealous when i see my ex with another girl because my mom always taught me to share my toys when I'm done using them :)


*knows they told us to say 'til death do us part', well we've parted, why are you still breathing?


*my ex husband is the reason I'm on happy pills.


*In my opinion, you went from loving husband and father, to ex-husband and father of my child, to baby daddy, to sperm donor.


*knows that he'll just get bored with her, then move on to someone else. That's just what he does. Trust me.


*Was wondering when Karma was going to get You~ Then I saw your new girlfriend and realized it already had~ Thanks karma~ I owe u one~


*How many people have looked at their ex's now and thought "what was i thinking" :

Thursday, January 13, 2011

From Checklists to Blood Donation....IT'S SURVIVAL MY FRIENDS!!!!!!

Where is the list for single women???? I mean, where do you find the checklist that tells you the next step after you sign those papers???? You know, like for such things as changing your insurance, getting the bills changed into your own name, or just a list for the items you need, or things that need to be checked on periodically at the house. As I stood in line waiting to get one of my prescriptions filled, reality hit when I came to the realization that I no longer am covered by my original insurance....meaning I couldn't get my meds, meaning I was suddenly overcome with anxiety over the things I need to get done, or changed...

Today, i spent most of the morning making phone calls to take care of such needs, and I must say that it is very overwhelming. I began my ordeal, searching online for some kind of checklist to help me remember everything.

THERE WAS NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then the anxiety began...then the tears..........and then a moment of sheer fear that I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Then, with the help of a couple friends, I was able to breathe again. I actually smiled when one gave me a helpful dialogue to use when speaking to the ones who keep us entertained, warm and well-lit, bathed and hydrated, and covered in case of accidents to the home or car. AKA: Comcast Cable, Volunteer Electric, Savannah Valley Utilities, and State Farm.

From now on, I think that I will begin each phone call, dealing with bills as follows:

"Hello, now that my life has been ripped apart, can you tell me how to have even more of my life sucked away? And while you are at it, I might could give you some of my blood as well since you will be asking for even more of my money? You do take blood donation as payment, right? Because after I pay for the deposit you want to charge me, to change this into my name, there will be a better chance of getting blood from a turnip than finding any more money in my purse....YOU have drained THIS well dry"

I'm not sure if they will catch my drift, but even if they don't, I only have so much to give and the kids already got that....


Now, can we get these needles hooked up? I might have a drop or two left.....

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Carry me Lord Jesus...my inner GPS won't work without you

It is official....I am officially a single woman now. Officially divorced on January 7, 2011. It is a bittersweet feeling, yet I am excited about what the future holds for me. I am happy. Not about the fact that I am divorced, but happy that things are settled. I know that there is still the possibility for issues to arise, but I now feel a little more in control of my life. A feeling I have not felt in a year. No, in 20 years....wow. It is hard to believe that for the last 20 years, I have been attached to someone. This is the first time in my life that I have been on my own....and yet I'm really not on my own. First of all I have these 4wonderful children to care for. And that is something I will never be regretful of. They are my joy!

But mostly I am not alone, for I have an awesome heavenly father. God has brought me sooooo far! He has always been there with me, but in the last year I have felt Him even more, on a daily basis. It reminds me of the footprints in the sand poem.



Footprints

One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

...Mary Stevenson



I know He has always been there, and looking back I realize that in those hardest times, He was there carrying me. Otherwise I never would have made it on my own.

So now, in this newest found freedom, what next????? Whatever is next, I pray for God to lead me....or as stated before..to carry me. For I cannot do this on my own. I would be a hot mess if I even attempted it. So carry me Lord Jesus for my feet are tired and weary and I don't even know the way there. Be my GPS for life, showing me where to make those necessary U-turns.

So stay tuned folks...who knows where my new life will take me....wherever I go, you can be assured that it will be just as busy and crazy as it always has been. And I am trusting that God is gonna get me there...so carry me Lord Jesus...my inner GPS won't work without you....

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Don't D.R.A.G. me down........

Wow, It is 2011... It all goes by so fast these days. Is it because I am getting older and have much more on my mind? After sitting in this mornings church service, I believe it is due to the mind-boggling issues that seem to clutter our minds. Our pastor encouraged us to "give up" the things that we dealt with in 2010 (things that brought us down and kept us from growing spiritually), and start fresh in 2011. We were told to write down the things that really shouldn't be "ours" to deal with, but "His" (meaning God's). God alone is the only one we should be counting on. So many times we look elsewhere for love, strength, help with financial issues, or just the need to feel important. We are all important to God, and He will provide for all of these needs.

As I sat there, I asked God to help me realize the things I was trying to control instead of giving it to Him. By the end of the service, I had 4 words on my card that D.R.A.G. me down and hinder me from fully experiencing the feeling of grace, from Gods love.

DEPRESSION

The last few years have left me with experiences that leave me feeling depressed. These different experiences are beyond my control and leave me feeling very unhappy. The unhappiness has led me to a much deeper place of depression. Depression is a very debilitating feeling. It leaves you in a mindset that nothing you do is good enough, so might as well do nothing. Not a good feeling to have. Especially for someone who spent the majority of her life smiling and trying to cheer others up when they were sad.

REGRETS

Having regrets is probably something most people deal with. No one can see the future, and there are times when we are put into a situation that gives us choices. Sometimes the right choice isn't always evident, and sometimes it is. However, we still make the wrong choices part of the time. This leaves us with the questions that haunt us...mainly, the "what ifs". I want to enter 2011, knowing that there is nothing I can do about the choices in the past, but I can go forward...I can't reverse what has already been done in the past, but I can seek the right answers faithfully for the future.

ANXIETY

Worry is a sign of not having faith. And though I have always known this, I still tend to worry sometimes. It is a human nature. Anxiety has left me in panic at times. This also is a very debilitating feeling. Almost an attack, leaving me breathless. It stems from my worries and fears...mainly for my kids, or what the future holds for us. I want to have the faith that no matter what we are faced with, that God is in control of it. And He will guide me to the right decisions.

GUILT

I am not perfect. I don't always have the right answers, make the right choices, or know how to make it all better. I am left with feelings of guilt sometimes that make me wonder what I "should" have done versus what I "did". And this can lead back to those feelings of regret. It all goes hand in hand when we don't rely on God to see us through. And of that I am guilty. I want to rely on Him.

These four things I give to God. I want to enter 2011 with the heartfelt feeling that God has my back. He has my best interest in mind. And because of this, there is no need to let these things D.R.A.G. me down.

Starting this new year, do you have anything that needs to be given over to God?