Finding Me

As a youth, I started singing in the youth choir at Bayside Baptist church. The youth choir there was huge, and I was drawn to it. I loved that there were so many people in it, and I wanted to be apart of what they had. The love of singing for the Lord radiated greatly from this young choir as they sang. I quickly joined in, and became involved immediately in numerous events, including pageants, musicals, and mission trips. Looking back, I smiled a lot in those days. Mission trips to conduct Backyard Bible Clubs brought me to new places and showed me sights of things I had never really witnessed. One trip in particular, we were in one of the worse neighborhoods, but had a very large group of kids. As we interacted with each child, the sightings of lice showed up. And yes, it was passed on to many of my friends on this trip. I, thankfully, did not get it. This was truly something to be thankful for, especially with the thickness of my hair. Our buses were decontaminated, and everything cleaned the minute we returned home to Chattanooga. This was such a terrible thing to have happen, but we were also able to reach out to these children, and it didn't seem to matter about the lice. We just kept interacting with these kids, and many were saved. How amazing!

On these trips, we performed in many different places as well. We sang at churches, malls, and prisons. My love for singing grew and grew as we saw the looks on the peoples faces as we continued singing songs about God, and His love for us.

Later, when I got married, I still sang, but by this time I was in the adult choir. And again was the opportunity to share about God through singing. Later, life became busier, as each year passed, and 4 children were born within 6 years. Life choices were made, and I found myself moving away from singing. This was a very sad time in my life. Each Sunday, I would sit in a pew, as I cried. My tears were genuine. They showed my understanding of where God wanted me, and I knew I was being disobedient. What a painful time in my life. Today, I am still going through this painful time, but have since rejoined the choir, allowing me to sing solos, and try out for various things. I now sing in an ensemble. I sang the special music, on a Sunday night recently, and this weekend I will be singing backup for a dear friend of mine.

It feels good to be singing again. I know that God is allowing me to be apart of a wonderful thing, even though I pushed it aside for awhile. I say these things, not to bring myself glory, but to thank God out loud for being who He is, and reopening these doors for me, even though I am the one that shut them in the first place.

Over the past six months, I have gone through many emotions. Hurt, worthlessness, sadness, bitterness, and anger. Today, I am pleased that I can say God brought me through those emotions one by one. I still have a rough road ahead, but I can relax knowing that God has given me a gift. One that not only shares His word, but also allows me to find "me" again.