Finding Me

As a youth, I started singing in the youth choir at Bayside Baptist church. The youth choir there was huge, and I was drawn to it. I loved that there were so many people in it, and I wanted to be apart of what they had. The love of singing for the Lord radiated greatly from this young choir as they sang. I quickly joined in, and became involved immediately in numerous events, including pageants, musicals, and mission trips. Looking back, I smiled a lot in those days. Mission trips to conduct Backyard Bible Clubs brought me to new places and showed me sights of things I had never really witnessed. One trip in particular, we were in one of the worse neighborhoods, but had a very large group of kids. As we interacted with each child, the sightings of lice showed up. And yes, it was passed on to many of my friends on this trip. I, thankfully, did not get it. This was truly something to be thankful for, especially with the thickness of my hair. Our buses were decontaminated, and everything cleaned the minute we returned home to Chattanooga. This was such a terrible thing to have happen, but we were also able to reach out to these children, and it didn't seem to matter about the lice. We just kept interacting with these kids, and many were saved. How amazing!

On these trips, we performed in many different places as well. We sang at churches, malls, and prisons. My love for singing grew and grew as we saw the looks on the peoples faces as we continued singing songs about God, and His love for us.

Later, when I got married, I still sang, but by this time I was in the adult choir. And again was the opportunity to share about God through singing. Later, life became busier, as each year passed, and 4 children were born within 6 years. Life choices were made, and I found myself moving away from singing. This was a very sad time in my life. Each Sunday, I would sit in a pew, as I cried. My tears were genuine. They showed my understanding of where God wanted me, and I knew I was being disobedient. What a painful time in my life. Today, I am still going through this painful time, but have since rejoined the choir, allowing me to sing solos, and try out for various things. I now sing in an ensemble. I sang the special music, on a Sunday night recently, and this weekend I will be singing backup for a dear friend of mine.

It feels good to be singing again. I know that God is allowing me to be apart of a wonderful thing, even though I pushed it aside for awhile. I say these things, not to bring myself glory, but to thank God out loud for being who He is, and reopening these doors for me, even though I am the one that shut them in the first place.

Over the past six months, I have gone through many emotions. Hurt, worthlessness, sadness, bitterness, and anger. Today, I am pleased that I can say God brought me through those emotions one by one. I still have a rough road ahead, but I can relax knowing that God has given me a gift. One that not only shares His word, but also allows me to find "me" again.

Looking ahead

the future holds so many possibilities for those who are ready to embark upon it...when i relate this to my life, i almost get excited, but also feel quite overwhelmed by the anticipation of whats to come. God is here, and i know he will not leave me. so many times i have tried to be the fixer, and today i realize that He needs no help. He is God and He is in control. i am so thankful for how He has already blessed my life this year. this is the lesson i want my children to learn: God will be their provider, He never leaves, He is the one to call on in time of sorrow. i want to live my life in such a way that my children know who i depend on, and so they know they can depend on Him as well.

Singing a song of praise

I sat at Brainerd Hills Baptist Church tonight and watched as Emily Grace sang her song. I could not stop smiling. It is such a beautiful sight to see your child serving the Lord with the gift He has given her. I came to appreciate this more, as I was approached by a man who could barely hold back the tears as he told me how impressed he was with Emily Grace, and how real her testimony was in song. He had an understanding of where our life is right now, and was completely moved by the way Emily Grace portrayed her image of Christ in the song of praise she sang. As a parent, I look on everyday and wonder if I am doing it right....the daily routines of trying to raise godly children....and from the heart of a stranger, I am given encouragement that I just might be headed in the right direction. My prayer is that my children will keep praising their Lord and always follow Him, even when the path is narrow. I hope they will continue on and sing that song of praise!

A Happy New Year?

Today is January 1, 2010. I am left wondering today what this year will hold for my family... Though I am a strong believer, and my hope is in God, I am also human, and that human side of me is scared, worried, devastated. God has given me so much, so why would I expect anything more in this life? WHY? Because God promises us, that he listens...He has our best interest at heart....there is only one problem....free will....God gives us this free will to make the decisions for our lives. Oh, He is still there to help us along the way, but in our decisions we make, are we looking to Him for that Help? In the struggles I am facing right this minute, I want to strive to focus on what God has for me....He truly has blessed me with four beautiful children...and for that I am so very happy...He has also given me so many supportive friends and family members...and for that I am also very happy... So, I ask again...a Happy New Year? I think that yes, it can be, if I choose to focus on the right things, or better yet the right GOD.

Farley the Elf

This week started out with the arrival of a new friend...Farley the Elf. So far he has been only a little mischievious. His first night was spent picking out the red and green fruit loops, as this was the only ones he liked. This of course made quite a mess on our kitchen table! Last night, he decided to decorate our tree with socks! The socks were downstairs where I had been folding them into a basket. This morning our basket was overturned with a trail of socks leading upstairs to the playroom tree, where Farley sat in the top hanging socks. He also had a tube sock around his neck like a scarf! The kids have been very excited with the arrival of Farley, and look forward to his silly antics each night. I will try to post some pictures at a later date.