Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It's the important decisions...like garbage cans and storage totes

Have I mentioned how much I love to go to the hardware stores?????? I spent 2 hours tonight just strolling down the aisles looking at things to better my house. There are so many different things that need to be done, and though it may seem like that would be bad news, I was thoroughly enjoying the realization that I am capable of taking care of these things...whether I hire someone, or do the chore myself. For a single woman, it is very fulfilling to make decisions about lighting, shower doors, or even just a garbage can (which is what I purchased tonight).

It was SO great!!!! I LOVE hardware stores!!!!! I made my way down the aisle where the garbage cans were displayed, and there were so many to choose from. Wheels, no wheels, large oversized cans that were hard to lift, smaller cans that wouldn't hold enough for my house, and then there it was...the perfect garbage can for my needs. It had wheels, which is a plus for me, and it was a good sized can for the job. A little on the heavy side, but I was still able to lift it into my cart. And then the fun began. I could not wait to continue down the aisles with the monstrocity I had picked out on my own. However, I couldn't see over the can to steer down the aisles, so I reluctantly put my purchase at the register until my shopping was complete. I shopped a little longer before picking up a few storage totes and then decided to head home. I paid the cashier for my totes and garbage can, and when he asked if I needed help with the monster trash receptacle, I proudly said no and guided it out of the store along with my buggy full of storage containers. AND, to top off my fun-filled evening, I was thrilled to find a way to maneuver my large purchases into my van, amongst the clutter, ALL ON MY OWN!!!!!! Fun times!!!!

Oh the things that make my evening! Sometimes the smallest things can be what keeps us going. I felt like a somebody. I was able to make decisions, and they were important ones...I mean really, you can't pick just ANY garbage can!!!!

I LOVE HARDWARE STORES!!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Just can't fix it....it isn't my job

I'm a fixer....plain and simple. I don't like for things to be unsettled. I want everyone to get along. I try really hard to point out the good in people, even when the good is very hard to find. I find myself thinking through things that need to be fixed, looking for the best way to create a situation of understanding. And even when I am not exactly being treated well, it is still my hope to do the right thing always. Daily I am faced with issues I just cannot fix. It is heartbreakig. I want things to be right, even in a wrong world. I am realizing more and more each day that I wasn't meant to be the fixer. I cannot make everything right.

I'm sorry...
I'm sorry that things aren't what we expected...
Sorry that life isn't going as it should...
and yet as I apologize, I am understanding that even in this imperfect world, we will be ok. And because of this realization, I smile a little more each day.
Life changed drastically a year ago....struggles arose that I wasn't sure how I would fix them. I wasn't meant to fix them. I was only expected to have faith. God has blessed me greatly over the past year. Not that He hasn't blessed me before then, but I am more aware of His provisions. He has blessed me with family and friends who in many different ways shine with His love. And for this I am truly thankful.

Yes, I am still sorry.....sorry that I couldn't make everything right.
Sorry that each day brings new challenges for the kids and myself, but grateful that I have a God that doesn't expect me to fix it. I am grateful for a loving heavenly father who is teaching me to trust Him to be the fixer. I mean afterall, does he really need my help? No, He is more than able to supply all we need without me jumping in and screwing things up.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Sometimes I just gotta sing......

Tonight I came home and wanted to blog.... I even had my idea already of what I wished to complain, er.... write about. I came home completely prepared to vent loudly about the experience I had while getting the oldest her sports physical. I was prepared to speak loudly of my anger for being told we were 3rd in line, and then wait two and a half hours, only to be put in a room for an additional 20 minutes, and then when we were finally seen, the doctor was done in 3 whole minutes! Whew!!!! But then I went to choir practice, and as angry as I was, I could not continue my rage. The choir was singing the song "God Is Here", and though I was late arriving (due to the long doc visit) I began to sing as soon as I recognised the song. My heart rate went from pumping so hard I thought I would explode, to a calm peace. And though I ranted a little above....that was more for the humor, and how angry I was before I began to sing. Sometimes I just gotta sing....and it brings me to a comfortable, peaceful place.

Recently, I tried to go back to my small group at church. I have been taking a sabbatical from the class due to my home situations......and instead have been serving in the nursery with the infants. I decided that this was the week that I would start fresh and anew. My friends have been so very supportive of me while I have been out, and were ready to welcome me back instantly. I lasted 5 minutes before the tears began to flow of old memories, and thoughts of how it is supposed to be. Immediately I knew I ad to get out of there before the class became a small pond. I went to my car and just let all the hurt and the anger of life's trials flow freely in tear form. I sat out there until it was time for choir to meet to sing for the service, and then went to join in. It was wonderful! The songs flowed with such power, and by the end of the worship time, I was smiling from the sunshine I felt inside. Sometimes I just gotta sing....it brings me to a comfortable, peaceful place.

As I said, I spend a great bit of time serving in the nursery with the infants. A lot of times they are less than happy to be there. I just love snuggling up the ones that are so upset, and being challenged to keep them content. Lately, we have had a few visiting, or new babies. They don't know us well, and it sometimes takes a little more time for them to adjust. Many times they are screaming from a lap, or high chair, or wherever else we have put them to try and settle them. I usually start to sing. I try to pick a song that has a short verse, and can be repeated over and over ( in case they like it), and recently it has been "Jesus loves Me". I love singing for them and watching as it sometimes helps take their mind off the fact that they were left there in the nursery. It is especially nice, when they all get quiet and listen. I feel happy that it is helping, and my heart is happy i the process. Sometimes I just gotta sing....andyes, even with the crying babies, it brings me to a comfortable, peaceful place..........

Tonight's blog was supposed to be a bashing. It was supposed to express my anger for a health facility, but now that I look back...it became almost comical that we waited soooo long for a 3 minute visit...and maybe, just maybe my lesson from God was about the songs, and how I am supposed to use my voice to serve.....

Sometimes I just gotta sing....and it brings me to that comfortable, peaceful place....

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Now listen here Life.........

Last night, we went to see the new Karate Kid movie. It was at the cheap theater. I decided to take the kids, since we will be heading back to the school year routine, later this week. The movie was great! Not completely like the one I remember with "Mr. Miyagi", or "Daniel san", but just really good. At one point in the movie, "Dre" reminds his teacher of something he had taught him...He said "Life can knock you down, but you can choose whether or not to get back up"...This quote got me thinking about where life has brought me. Life has certainly got me down quite a bit lately. Daily, I face different trials with what life has dealt me. And a through a lot of those trials, I have not chosen to get back up very quickly. I usually look around waiting for something nice to set me back on my feet, but all along it has been my choice to get back up and keep pushing forward. So that is my goal, and though there will be setbacks, I want to choose to get back up and say "now lisen here, life......you're not gonna keep me down for long. I have a God who cares! I have friends and famiy who love me! And those are good enough reasons to get back up and keep going"...Amazing how we can learn these lessons on a typical family outing to the movies.

Now, on another note.....Karate Kid might not be the wisest choice later in the evening for two rambunctious little boys. Especially if you ant to get to the car at a normal pace, instead of kung fu fighting every step along the way. :-)