Monday, January 2, 2012

Precisely Perfect and Beyond Compare

Sometimes I wonder just what the future holds....

Sure, we all have had that picture of what we think is going to know...married to your high school sweetheart, who works for the local family-owned business....little white house..... picket fence..... 2.5 kids...(2.5 kids??? How does that really work anyway????)....or maybe your mental picture includes that business man with the nice body, a job in the city with the loft apartment?....or maybe it was a studio apartment.... Whatever the picture was, we all just knew that was how it was going to be. We had our mental image, and by golly we were going to MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!


So then.......??????

Yeah, I know. Reality set in. You married that high school sweetheart and were just enraptured, the babies came, along with the bills, the picket fence never got built cause you had to get a bigger car ( to accomodate all those babies you kept having), and as time went by, someone wasn't happy..... so instead of working it out they made new "friends"....hmmm. Or, you found that business man with the nice abs, but the gym kept him away for many hours when you had hoped for time together, maybe the time you spent hustling and bustling around the city, trying to make it to that meeting, made you late for the romantic dinner he had planned, and eventually created such a distance between you that he couldn't handle it any longer, or the job you went to school for wasn't as easy to find as you thought it would be....or just maybe you finally realized that being a "Senior Mobility Liason" was just fancy lingo for transporting the local seniors to Bingo Night at the American Legion Hall!

Look, we have all been there whether we want to admit it or not...we all made plans, only to see them rewritten for us...either by choices made, or our own failures and/or dissatisfaction. And yes, we all wonder, to some extent, what the future holds for us now. There's nothing wrong with that. We are allowed to dream about the future, allowed to set goals, to reach our destinations in life. Its actually good to have an idea of where you want to go or what you want to be. Just don't let it rule you....don't get so caught up in the dreams that you lose sight of the blessings that are right in front of you already.

We all seek perfection and as sorry as I am to crush that dream, we live in an imperfect world, full of huge imperfections. A world, that even with its flaws, is the provision we are given to live out our future. To live the future that GOD has planned for us here on Earth anyway. No matter how good we plan, or how much we dream, life still happens and can be altered right before our eyes. That altered plan? It can be a wonderful way of showing God's ability to take something unforeseen, and making it precisely perfect and beyond compare.

In 2012, I am praying for my "precisely perfect" and "beyond compare" life, that only GOD can provide. I am dreaming that for myself, as well as for you....

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Closed Doors and Open Windows.......Ships and Limos

Sometimes, when you're standing on the seashore waiting for your ship to come in, the
limo God sent you is in the parking lot with the engine running. Such a statement of
truth. How many times do we search for perfection, or something that resembles it?
We all have an idea of what we think "our" perfect is, but what if we are wrong?
Many times I think we get so caught up in the search, that we don't realize what God has placed right in front of our eyes.....or maybe we are just scared to accept it, afraid that it will be swiped from our grasp right about the time we get comfortable. It brings to mind the closed doors and open windows approach on life. I have experienced this fear firsthand....God has put it right there, but I have turned my head, unwilling to accept that He has provided once again for fear that I have misunderstood the plan, or that it will just end up the same as I have already experienced. I have allowed my past to creep into my future, and with that, has come doubt. And with doubt, comes heartache....none of which any of us want....but what if we are wrong....what if God is basically handing it out to for the taking and we are too busy looking for something that isn't really for us? Oh how I have fallen into this routine...

Today, that needs to I think I want to take the "limo" for a
spin....seriously (I mean it really, I actually get a little seasick on a boat


Sunday, October 9, 2011

Walls of Doubt.....and Pink Jackhammers

I never realized how difficult it was going to know, to let my guard take down the wall I have built around my heart. It is still there. Standing firm, bricks and mortar in place, and as high as ever. I have trust issues....more so than I ever imagined. Of course, this is understandable, seeing as how every ounce of trust I had in the past, was torn from my grasp without the slightest bit of care.... I would have thought that by now, I would be able to at least peer over this wall I built, but instead I dangle from the top, with my fingertips barely reaching over. On guard for the very moment I might need to let go and hide again. I wonder at what point this fear and doubt goes away? When do I learn that not everyone is out to deceive??

One day I might......and then again, maybe I'm just not supposed day God may just open my eyes and I will see the truth, or He may just expect me to have faith....

Do you ever wish the writing could just be on the wall???? Maybe in purple ink??? Or maybe a bright pink flashing sign would do.....and a pink jack hammer to help the wall, that would do it.

Dear God, could you just send a pink jackhammer when its time for the wall to come down???? Then I would know it was safe to trust again....

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Facebook Official????? Really???

So, I left you hanging with a "To be continued"...... And it has...continued, I mean.

Today, as I was riding around with my kids, I was enjoying the silly banter that my oldest daughter was taking part in (with my boyfriend) via text. Yes, I said boyfriend...(smile on my face). It was nice to see that she was comfortably chatting away with him (even if it was a great debate over the color orange and the teams it represents) I seized the opportunity to talk to her a bit about the relationship I have with Brian. It amazes me how different things are now as opposed to years ago when speaking of a dating relationship. I spoke about the fact that we aren't dating anyone else, that we are "exclusive", "an item", "going steady". She just looked at me, and I wondered if I had said too much, or merely made her uncomfortable with the discussion of her mom dating again. Her stare became a smile as she thought it funny the terms I used to describe mine and Brian's relationship. I laughed, and asked her what it is called "these days". (Ouch, that makes me feel old!) Her response was that we are ...............................Facebook Official.......................what?????

LOL..How funny that in this day and time, Facebook Official is the term for boyfriend/girlfriend status! So here it is folks...I am not "going steady" or "exclusively dating" someone.....Brian and I are "Facebook Official". I wonder what else they have changed???????????

Sunday, April 10, 2011

As Jana's World Turns...The Amazing Journey

What an amazing life God has planned out for me. Over the last couple years, you have read many posts about my life, and what I have been through. As I look back at some of the memories made, I am astonished at the things that haven't gone as I thought they would. I am even more amazed at how God has taken different circumstances and used them to grow my faith. I have been blessed daily by the way God provides for my needs. Whether it be by an anonymous gift, or the donation of a friend, I have been able to make it and for that I am thankful. I have learned how to cope with many things over the journey as well. There has been heartache, disaster, and hurt feelings....but there has also been love, growth, and newer, happier memories as well.

As a young child, I thought everything would be perfect. I would grow up, get married, and have a family...all while living happily ever after. My "happily ever after" was quickly stripped away with the choices made by another. And at that point, a small part of "me" was stripped away as well. For a short period, I was overcome by a bitterness that would not release me. Little did I know, that it was ME actually clinging to IT. My hopes of the "happily ever after" were replaced with the "if onlies". Not a good place to be in. Many land there, forgetting that the "happily ever after" could and should truly exist. The fairy tale IS there and CAN be lived out when God is left in control.

I entered into the "single" status with a small hope. A hope that one day I would catch a glimpse of my "fairy tale" again. Oh, how God works in mysterious ways....and I want to believe that HE truly has a plan. It has taken me the whole of these last two years, and I not only believe it possible, but also trust that there IS a plan, and God has written it just for me. Slowly, I am letting the wall I built around myself down, and trusting again. And through this trust I am finding that the "fairy tale" can be a reality. I look forward to what the future holds, and am completely amazed by where the journey has taken me so far. This is the amazing journey......

To be continued...

Monday, January 31, 2011

Yeah, maybe I shouldn't post

As I have gone through the steps of divorce over this past year, I am amazed at the

number of people who are facing the same. And though they are all in different

stages of their destiny, the fact still remains that it is a hard journey, forcing

many to advertise their feelings openly on social networks such as facebook. And

though it makes one feel better to "one up" the "EX", there is a feeling deep inside

me that tells me to refrain from such status posts. However, I have found a few

quite humorous. And have in fact,saved a list of "good" ones to share. Let me

first deny, nullify, and curb anyones accusations up front. These are not my posts,

thoughts, or insinuations pointing to my divorce at all, but merely a collection of

status posts that I have seen used this last year. I have wondered a million tmes

how some can read over the following, and not have that internal feeling of "yeah,

maybe I shouldn't post that"

In no particular order:

*If you think the grass is greener on the other side, perhaps you should spend more time taking care of the grass on your side.

*wonders what the judge would think when her husband has her arrested for telling off his mistress? It might be worth finding out! LMBO

*you can't scare me... I have an ex-husband

*... is longing for the day her ex shows up on a milk carton!!!

*OH your dating my ex? cool. I'm eating chicken wings, do you want those left overs too?

*Single & LOOKING.. for something better than I had last time..

*There's nothing like running into your ex on a good day, then throwing the car in reverse and doing it again! :) lol

*don't be mad at the fact that i won; be mad at the fact that you thought you could beat me.

*I don't get jealous when i see my ex with another girl because my mom always taught me to share my toys when I'm done using them :)

*knows they told us to say 'til death do us part', well we've parted, why are you still breathing?

*my ex husband is the reason I'm on happy pills.

*In my opinion, you went from loving husband and father, to ex-husband and father of my child, to baby daddy, to sperm donor.

*knows that he'll just get bored with her, then move on to someone else. That's just what he does. Trust me.

*Was wondering when Karma was going to get You~ Then I saw your new girlfriend and realized it already had~ Thanks karma~ I owe u one~

*How many people have looked at their ex's now and thought "what was i thinking" :